Groucho: “You have the brain of a four-year old child, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”

Chico: “There’s a man outside with a big black moustache.”
Groucho: “Tell him I’ve got one.”

Groucho: “You’re a disgrace to our family name of Wagstaff, if such a thing is possible.”

Groucho: “Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?”